- The majority consensus of contact improv host facility culture seems to be a type of "dance" format [if you can even call it that] that is basically a platonic soft promiscuous situation where you are expected to roll around with absolute strangers, swap different partners of whatever genders, all the while pretending there's nothing and never anything sexually enticing or repulsive about anyone there, never admitting one feels turned on nor enticed sexually nor propositioning anyone upon being aroused or turned on. Its a catch 22 situation. There's dance facilitators who will claim and say there's nothing sexually about it as sanctimonious front, but then by design of human reproduction, rolling around close to someone there is naturally tension between partners who feel attracted to each other.
There should be concern that contact improv in certain host facilities with certain formats of "contact improv" dance [not necessarily all] are a thinly veiled vetting system for candidates of a promiscuous lifestyle called "polyamory", where yuppy women entice lust from men (cocktease) or scope their options away from their weak willed henpecked pussy whipped impotent cuckolds (whether they already are into (polyamory/ swinging/ &/ or promiscuity or not).
LISTEN CAREFULLY ALL SINGLE MONOGAMOUS HETEROSEXUALS, especially Guys: UNLESS the host facilitators have an option for you & your predetermined monogamous old lady or dance partner touching no one else but each other at host facilities, or Unless you want to act like some asexual or mild mannered effeminized non-binary beta bitch queer or stud candidate for mid life yuppy dance facilitator queens (who are very likely https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/make-money/15-careers-with-the-highest-divorce-rates/ promiscuous women or promiscuous curious women) who want to use you to subtly prove to themselves such women are “in demand” for the option to cheat and dump their cuckolds, AVOID and BOYCOTT CONTACT IMPROV Like the fucking plague. Its a recipe for disaster.
- .This may seem a bit limited to seasoned dancers who have a more open boundary of touch and who they agree to touch, And those who have been doing total inclusion in platonic touch therapy. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you're into. I understand dance is not necessarily a sexual thing, but as a single person whose been single for awhile I'm a little more goal driven about trying to find a partner and don't want to waste time (either giving the wrong ideas or getting the wrong ideas). So Here I am out of the closet admitting on Facebook on this page of all places: I am almost exclusively interested in dance, especially something as intimate and close as "Contact Improv" with completely single monogamous heTeRosexual women (because I am a man who reciprocates in that area) and was wondering if any one else into Contact improv or other Dance, like me is willing to come out of the closet and Admit to that and that orientation? I feel like I am truly conservative sexual minority among the dance community and a lot of places I like to be in Eugene. I wish the world was perfectly everyone loving and touching everyone completely consensual to arrange touch with no confusion all the time everywhere, but we all have a certain unique reproductive appetites (like it or not) and specific tastes that doesn't go away, like it or not. The world doesn't work that way in total fairness in some lovey Aerie faerie free love spirit. And not everyone is compatible with everyone all the time by any stretch of the imagination. Tough love if you don't like me saying this, but I'd feel disingenuous if I didn't write this and see what happens.
- Patrick Gracewood Well said.
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur Jessie McQuiston, Jessie McQuiston, You write: " Trying to find a partner through Contact Improv is likely to get you labeled as creepy." ???? WHY? I was under the impression dance is is a form of communication. And what's the point of trying to find a partner without communicating first, especially directly sight, sound, scent, and touch? You want to label me as a creep for saying that? Then that's your own opinion and a rather bigoted opinion. I tried contact improv with a lot of different diverse people for awhile and had some fun, but soon realized that there is an unspoken understanding that it's dominated by a group of people who are regulars in a very tribal way with an unspoken peer pressure that everyone explore multiple partners and explore everyone regularly: same gender or not. And there's unspoken peer pressure and expectation to respond to everyone's desire for touch without hardly knowing a damn thing about each other's personal lives. I'm just not into that expectation nor peer pressure at a dance as intimate as contact improv: even if it's "non-sexual" it's still close touch and genitals get rubbed inadvertently with clothes on which has an aeffect at an unconscious subliminal level whether you disagree or not. And so I'd rather just be honest about who I'd rather dance with: single monogamous heterosexual women. So what? Jessie McQuiston You write: "You're right that everyone isn't compatible with everyone all the time. But you can't use that as an excuse to say you only want to dance with the single ladies... " An excuse? NO it's me being goal oriented in goals that don't seem to be your goal. One of the reasons I have this goal is not ALL about my own self indulgent desires for sex at all, or as you insinuate: to "satiate " my "reproductive appetite" , but because I don't want to roll around with married women or women with boyfriends out of respect for their husbands or boyfriends. I feel contact improv with someone who already has an intimate partner in their private life, ( who is supposedly committing to arranging their own private complete naked contact improv): alludes to promiscuity. I don't think I'm alone in feeling that way. It feels wrong for me to do contact improv with someone else's intimate partner and it makes me wonder if their spouses or significant others are not getting the proverbial job done in their personal private lives. I would never do contact improv with another person if I was already in a committed very physical intimate relationship. And so why should I have an ethically inconsistent standard? I'm trying to maintain ethical consistency with my life and if that lifestyle is not yours you have no right to label me as creepy anymore than I have a right to label you as creepy for disagreeing with me. There's nothing creepy about me being ethically consistent and honest and respectful. I think I'm done with going tovo contact improv if it's such a horrible thing to tell you all my boundaries in such a goal oriented manner. Some cultures find everything about contact improv dance alludes to promiscuity. I couldn't ever posibbly imagine Contact Improv as a public community event ever happening in somewhere like Saudi Arabia or Iran. Does that make everyone from those cultures, or with family from those cultures: inherently creepy because they won't participate in Contact Improv? Not necessarily. I don't think so. Not by a long shot.
- Marie Terrill I have only been in the contact community for a couple years but in that time I have danced in Eugene, Portland, Seattle, Boston, Boulder Colorado and Germany.....as a single person and also when I was in an exclusive dating relationship.
I understand that it can be confusing at times, however if you are going for the sole purpose of seeking a sexual partner then this colors your experience and frankly i think you are doing yourself a disservice since there can be a broad and enriching expanse between "sexuality" and "intimacy" . If you are only going seeking the sexual then you are limiting your experience from the get go and it makes sense you'd be frustrated with your experience of it since not everyone there is also seeking the sexual.
in my time dancing contact I have encountered people who are participating in the community of open relationships, however there are just as many who are in exclusive relationships. And there are those who are single-- I have experienced diversity in the community in this way.
On a different note, it is important to address your statement that you would not dance with a woman who is in a relationship out of "respect for her male partner" . Please realize this statement implies that women are property of men and do not have their own agency to make their own decisions as free beings whether in relationship or not. As a woman who has been in a dating relationship while dancing and also been single for other parts , I hold my own agency and participate in my own relationships that my partner and i define together. So I invite you to let go of the burden of needing to concern yourself with the boundaries other people's relationships . You are responsible for your own conduct and your own integrity -- No one else's. What a relief! And no one knows the "rules" of a relationship better than those who are actually creating that relationship!
Finally, it does sound to me that you are asking important questions about the nature of relationship and sexuality in the context of our culture. Good for you. Keep asking. Keep looking. We all need to answer these questions each for ourselves. However I encourage you to also be curious about these themes outside of Contact as well. As Jessie alluded to, the Contact Improv space is a laboratory where we agree to be safe to explore movement and touch. If your only goal is to seek a sexual partner then perhaps you have other (legitimate) needs that could be fulfilled elsewhere.
I have to also say, that when I have been approached by men who are "sexually motivated" on the dance floor, first of all, it's pretty clear, and second, I choose to end the dance because honestly I do not find that it feels safe -- it feels creepy. And again, for your own benefit, I encourage you to try on a more creative "hat" and to not lead with the need to find a sexual partner. - Stephen Cosmos Arthur Marie Terrill writes: [On a different note, it is important to address your statement that you would not dance with a woman who is in a relationship out of "respect for her male partner" . Please realize this statement implies that women are property of men and do not have their own agency to make their own decisions as free beings whether in relationship or not.] NO it implies ethical consistency. NO, that statement does not imply anyone is the property of anyone. Not at all. NO one is anyone's property. I already said I couldn't imagine being in an intimate sexual relationship with a woman and then do Contact Improv with another person because that's me respecting my beloved wife (certainly not as her property) And that's my lifestyle and that's where my comfort zone is and sexual identity is. There's no room for double standards, rather there's total equal reciprocation in commitment in such a relationship. That's hardcore monogamy that floats my boat and is a beautiful damn near impossible challenge for me. And here I am drawing a territorial line? So what? Get over it. It's principles that I live by. It's standards that I don't wish to impose on others, and so it's insane for me to engage too close for comfort with those who don't have those standards. Tough love if you don't like me for it. I am seeking pretty committed monogamy where I would never apply double standards. I love my principles and only have so much room in my life for people who don't have those principles. I can't wait to die by those principles regardless of whether or not I'm ever in a sexual relationship ever again in this wicked transitory world. And this is not some sanctimonious rant. It's my reality.
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur Buttons Button writes: [It has been clear to me and seemingly to you Stephan that contact improv is not intended for and specifically designed to not be a means to finding a sexual partner. ] Really? I always thought of 2 dance partners as 2 independent beings making their own agreements and their own damn choices, and doing a transaction who exchange energy/services/ or whatever entirely on their own choices by their own mutual consent. And these 2 people don't need some consensus from a facebook page or a whatever the current popular dance facilitator is leading them around by a leash. These 2 individuals decide what the ultimate intention is and exchange of energy is. And no one else. And it's no one else's business if they go have sex because they turn each other on or not. I've had enough of this sanctimonious assertion that dance is never a means to a sexual ends or never a sexual game. That's bull shit. Maybe it's all because of some phobia of sexual predators or some liability issue? Maybe that's your real hangup? Fear of a lawsuit or a liability of some one complaining about Sexual Harassment? That makes sense. So you make this assertion that there's never anything sexual. And idiots freak out when I dare say I want to get laid with a woman but only if I know she loves to dance with me first? "OMG what do we do with this pick-up artist Cassonova?" "Maybe his abilitity to dance on the dance floor is more bigger and longer and massive than mine?" "We just can't have that " And so they freak out when sex is ever mentioned as a goal. Puritanical paranoia is still a real hangup in Western Society. That makes sense. I've had many of completely beautiful platonic experiences dancing (not just Contact Improv) with people that were never sexual and I've had many experiences where my dance partner is overtly horny while I'm not the least bit interested and vice versa. And we got over it and left respectfully. It's been a beautiful adventure and learning experience to communicate through body language and facial expressions often to see how overtly paranoid a lot of you really are of me, and often to my surprise how many people really respect me in ways I never thought possible. Namaste.
- This type of "dance" if you can even call it that, is basically a platonic soft promiscuous situation where you are expected to roll around with absolute strangers, swap different partners of whatever genders, all the while pretending there's nothing sexually enticing or repulsive about anyone there.
contactquarterly.comsamples from Contact Quarterly print journal - Stephen Cosmos Arthur No not at all Jimmy Matthews. Don't knock it till you try it.
- Jimmy Matthews Is this the first rule that you obey?
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur It's the rule that I encourage you to consider, not obey.
- Jimmy Matthews ok I am finished considering it.
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur The dance is not a problem, but the commercial format of weird expectations is a recipe for sexual assault lawsuit disasters.
- Jimmy Matthews Anarchism has ho legal system.
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur You've been pimpin' out HO'S Jimmy Matthews?
- Stephen Cosmos Arthur Jimmy Matthews the legal system doesn't give a fuck about your opinion of Anarchy when you accidentally pop a boner & get ACCUSED of dry humping these innocent frail delicate #Metoo 25 y.o. girls' butt CHEAKS! YOU fucking lil' OLD horndog! Find a a horny granny your own AGE!
LISTEN CAREFULLY ALL SINGLE MONOGAMOUS HETEROSEXUALS, especially Guys: UNLESS the Host facilitators have an option for you & your predetermined old lady touching no one else but each other, or Unless you want to act like some mild mannered fucking effeminized non-binary beta bitch queer or stud candidate for yuppy promiscuous women to subtly prove to themselves theare in in demand and cheat on their cuckolds, AVOID and BOYCOTT CONTACT IMPROV Like the fucking plague.
Spiral CosmosArt <spiralcosmosart@yahoo.com>To:eugenejam.contactimprov@gmail.com
Oct 2, 2017 at 6:06 PMTo whom it may concern:Recently I found this description about contact improv"It's not a pick-up scene, please be super-respectful and keep that kind of element in check or out. "I'd just like to remind you all there's a big difference between someone who openly and honestly admits he explores dance to communicate better and seeks an intimate partner by learning communicating nonverbally through dance, rather than someone who actually does unconsensual, deluded, inappropriate threatening action or activity, or open rude proposition sexually, or harassment especially: involving touching without consent.When I tried to communicate on that by saying I had a reproductive desire once on social media, I was immediately villified by a regular contact improv effeminine man whose probably gay who said I was "a creeper" and I really don't appreciate that if he's still reading these emails and facilitating .I'm in a head space right now where I'm considering sporadically going to dances (not necessarily contact improv) as a routine activity to face the challenge of learning respect perceiving and expressing passionate nonverbal communication through dance and sometimes I do feel a bit too politically incorrect and awkward. (especially since the last presidential election) There are times I've felt like I'm walking on eggshells, but there are other times when I don't care and I'm quite content with the joy of facing the challenge and loving the thrill of the prospect of observing new interesting compatible and attractive people.The open elephant in the room about any physical contact activity when there's some legal fear or paranoia is that men are always way more obliged to be completely aware and refrain from any hint of harassment or assault if any woman should feel threatened far more than any other way around. And the last time I was at a "contact improv" there this double standard of paranoia was never even questioned.3 or 4 years ago when the Contact Improv tended to be facilitated by a tall woman who is physically bigger than me, I use to feel way more comfortable dancing with her than anyone else for that reason, but then things changed through time. And I slowly began to realize i needed to set boundaries and communicate those boundaries. I don't know if she does conact improv anymore, but I kind of miss her.If I was to ever go to contact improv again I'm curious if the format is still how it was a little over a year ago near that Eugene Swimming Pool on Hilyard when the facilitator got all thought police with me because I refused to roll around with other men or married women or women already in relationships who are absolute strangers to me. Because the last time I was there when I started to initiate a dance with some young woman very cautiously, after I didn't participate in the guided portion. The facilitator there, who I didn't want touching me, thought nothing wrong with her and an old male contact regular partner rushing and interrupting me and interfering with me and the young lady. And that facilitator and her male dance partner thought nothing about touching me from behind without even bothering to look at my eyes or do anything to ask or see if I consented to that? If dance is all about this "white knight" bum rush paranoia then you're no better than everyone you say you're against.I mean that kind of behavior completely flies in the face of all reason of everything I try and do to at dance: learning long ago to least have some courtesy to really pay attention if someone is even bothering to return eye contact and smile with some pleasant expression of mutual consent to touch.. These people as I remembered them in their "polyamory" open relationship lifestyles or dancestyles in contact improv seem to expect everyone to dance with absolute strangers regardless of gender or age. And that' s fine I guess if it floats your boat, but it seemed a good moment to ask if maybe there's others who want dance without that expectation?Maybe things have since changed and evolved since then? Maybe there's a place for people who want more monogamous dance? Maybe its okay and I don't feel judged to simply show up at the "open jam" portion and do a 180 degree walk out when everyone there seems way too gay or promiscuous for me to be around? Rather than turning a blind eye and playing stupid about and pretend there's absolutely never a correlation with the bedroom and the dance floor? Give me a break: https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/make-money/15-careers-with-the-highest-divorce-rates/And maybe everyone there at the dance that just goes along to get along won't ever succumb to heterophobia at me again for leaving prematurely when I don't like the scene? I don't know? I thought I'd ask if there's a place for people who don't fit the liberal "gender fluild" lgbt polyamory mould?Maybe If there is more feedback from other custermers expressing popular demand for a version of contact improv with simply mutual consensual couples, perhaps who pre-arrange their couplehood themselves? , rather than expectation and demands for people to dance with absolute strangers? I'd love to go to that. Its not like I'm alone in being a bit realistic about legitimate specific circumstances when and who one feels comfortable around? There thats what I would prefer and Its called personal boundaries and preferences, not coercion or "pickup" objectives.
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